“We are creatures of desire. What we most desire is meaning. What makes us suffer most is a lack of meaning.”
It starts every edition of my brand new podcast and it sums up my mission.
When a marriage or relationship hits a crisis what you do next really matters. Finding the right help is critical.
I am Andrew G. Marshall, a native English-speaking marital therapist in Berlin with over thirty-five years’ experience.
I am the author of 22 self-help titles on relationships. The best-known is I Love You but I’m Not in Love with You which has sold over 100,000 copies and has been translated into 15 languages.
The German edition is called Ich Liebe Dich Noch, Aber.
My specialities include falling out of love and recovery from affairs.
I am particularly experienced in the problem of being an ex-pat and the impact on your relationship.
I offer weekly sessions for couples or individuals (who wish to reflect on their relationship) at Wielandstrasse 14 Berlin 10629. It is close to Savignyplatz S-Bahn station.
Video: Why come to Couples Therapy in Berlin with Andrew Marshall?
“Andrew has navigated us through the journey of understanding the affair and equipped us with new skills and knowledge. Thank you so much. You have saved our marriage.”
I trained with Relate (the UK’s largest couple counselling charity) and have a Diploma in Marital & Couple Counselling Theory & Practice.
I practice a combination of Psychodynamic and Systemic approaches. Psycho-dynamic looks at the influence of your first childhood relationships with your parents and their impact on all subsequent relationships.
Meanwhile, Systemic is focused on the here and now and engages the therapist and the clients as a team looking at how the relationship could be changed and improved today.
In addition, there are some ideas from Brief Dynamic Interpersonal Therapy and Mindfulness.
I call my approach the ‘Marshall Method’ as it is a combination of approaches.
In practice this means I am interested in the underlying issues from the past that caused your relationship problems but focus mainly on improving the situation today.
I have lots of exercises and techniques for improving communication between you and your partner, as demonstrated in this video.
Video: The Art of Good Communication – Reflective Listening
“Myself, my husband, and children have a huge amount to be grateful for that Andrew came into our lives. I feel personally blessed to have discovered Andrew’s books, and had the opportunity to have had life-enhancing therapy work with him.”
A five day trip to Berlin for a MOT on a relationship is not everyone’s ideal way of spending a romantic mini-break but that is exactly what Linda Kelsey and her husband, Ronny, did.
They took off to meet internationally acclaimed relationship counsellor, Andrew Marshall, who runs a counselling practice in Berlin as well as heading up a UK/Skype practice. Linda and Ronny spent five sessions over five days with Andrew exploring their relationship.
Being in Berlin, the Berlin wall and its coming down thirty years ago provides a powerful metaphor which can be unpacked. Walls and boundaries are in most relationships but need recognition, negotiation and agreement. Both Ronny and Linda were surprised at how much emerged over the five days.
They hadn’t realised how significant were their differences and naming them allowed for underlying and unspoken tensions to be explored in a safe and healthy way. They improved their communication and became better listeners to each other.
As the couple packed their bags, they were returning home with fresh insights into how they could do things differently to enrich themselves and their relationship.
“Five days in Berlin examining the nooks and crannies of ours has made us realise how much work there is for me and Ronny to do — and it’s brought us closer than I could ever have imagined possible.”
“Andrew is navigating us through the many phases of reconnecting with each other in a deeper, respectful and rich way. He has guided us into becoming overall better people, which has gone to the benefit of the other person too.”
If there is just one concept that you took away from working with me, it would be how to negotiate effectively (rather than give up trying or manipulate or dominate each other).
I sum up good negotiating in a simple maxim – I can ask, you can say no and we can negotiate.
Unfortunately lots of people are brought up not to ask. My mother used to say “I want doesn’t get”. We are also frightened to ask in case we are refused. So we drop hints and think “if you really loved me, you would know”.
How comfortable are you with saying “no”? Are you frightened that your partner will not love you if you refuse him or her? Do you worry that if you say “no, I don’t want a back massage” that it will not be heard as “I don’t want one today’ but as “I don’t like back rubs and I don’t ever want one”.
How good are you at negotiating? If you parents argued like cat and dog or all the conflict was underground in your family, it will be an alien concept.
What I find over and over again is couples give up far too soon on negotiating. They can’t bear a few moments of disagreement – because it makes them uncomfortable – and they either demand (“I never get what I want” or “can’t you do this one little thing for me”) or back down too soon (“Anything for a quiet life”). It solves the problem for about five minutes but sets up another round of rows.
Don’t worry if your arguing turns nasty or you give up too soon, I have lots of games we can play that will help you open up and find new ways of doing things.
Video: How can I get my partner to really listen to me?
Moving to Berlin has deepened my relationship but it has also thrown up all sorts of issues. I’ve met other couples – while out walking our dog – making similar adjustments from living abroad:
I explore the above issues in an article on my website AndrewGMarshall.com – there you will find plenty of help and advice for couples looking to rebuild and improve their relationships.
The article covers:
“My husband and I arrived at Andrew’s intensive counselling in crisis after an affair. Full of resolve to make our marriage work but with very little idea of how to navigate the pain and few skills to manage the future. Andrew provided empathy and expertise in equal measure. Deeply understanding our situation and guided as through with care and wisdom. Thank you Andrew for saving my marriage and my mind and gifting us with skills for the future.”
Please contact the Practice Manager (via the contact form) for further information on fees.
I work on a standard therapy hour which is fifty minutes with the rest of the time used for practical matters (for example upcoming holidays etc).
This varies from person to person and it depends on the complexity of the issues and how deep you want to look but I will give a rough idea at the initial assessment consultation. I generally see couples for twelve sessions and individuals for six. My aim is to provide as many sessions as your circumstances require. Throughout the counselling process, I am happy to discuss your progress and give estimates of how many more sessions are needed.
I am a native English speaker with basic German. I therefore work professionally only in English.
Yes, my rooms are at Wielandstrasse 14 Berlin 10629. It is close to Savignyplatz S-Bahn station. Map link.
I do not usually work over Skype but my team at Marshall Method Therapy do.
Using my 30 years of experience as a relationship counsellor, I work with couples to find out what is holding back the relationship and then we explore agreed issues together.
An important part of which is often communication. Counselling isn’t a magic answer but it can bring insights and tools to help a couple work through issues that enables them both and the relationship to flourish.
Couples therapy works best if both people come to therapy with an open mind and a degree of trust in the process.
Having counselled well over 2,000 people I will have seen most situations and I am very likely to be able to help you and your relationship.
No. The purpose of therapy is to help each person grow in their understanding of themselves and their partner and so make the right decision for them and their relationship. However, great understanding of each other and better communication can open up new possibilities.
No. Very often partners come with different objectives. In therapy we explore these objectives by bringing insight and looking for common ground. I start with improving communication, so you can understand if the differences are as large as first thought. We then look at what needs to change and whether there is enough common ground to continue.
I combine Psychodynamic and Systemic approaches with influence from Brief Dynamic Interpersonal Therapy and Mindfulness.
This means that:
A number of couples come back some months later to do some more work. This is often on a particular aspect of their relationship. Sometimes these couples will work with me on Skype.
Please use my contact form to register. Tricia, the Practice Manager, will endeavour to respond by email as soon as possible and let you know when there is likely to be an initial assessment with me. I am busy and there can be a wait to see me but I will try to prioritise you if your situation is urgent.
Before the Corona crisis, I saw a limited number of clients in London. For an update on what I can offer please use the contact form. I also run a podcast The Meaningful Life with Andrew G. Marshall. Find out more about my books here.
“We have just completed a three day intensive therapy with Andrew. We were both apprehensive initially and nervous, but the experience has been tremendously uplifting. We have learnt so much about each other, rediscovered our strong love and commitment to each other, but also faced up to some really challenging situations and behaviours.”
Meeting with Andrew in Berlin for an assessment consultation will help identify and work with the issues stopping your relationship from flourishing.
To book, or for more information about counselling with Andrew, please complete this form.
Time prevents Andrew from being able to enter into email responses to relationship issues but his range of books offer a lot of helpful advice.